Being Present

Building a strong regular meditation practice is like building any other habit. We build all kinds of habits through repetition, attention, and, experiencing some reward.

For instance, we build the habit of brushing our teeth starting when we are children. First, because we are told to by our parents, reaping the reward of pleasing them. Eventually, it becomes a self-sustaining practice when we realize we get good dental reports at our checkups and avoid discomforts such as numbing and drilling.

We build other habits – good and bad – some we do consciously and by choice. Others we develop without realizing we have established the habit. Sometimes our habits become addictions, and the reward becomes ending withdrawal discomfort. For instance, my morning coffee habit sustains itself because I have a craving for it first thing in the morning and I want to avoid a withdrawal headache.

There are some good guidelines for building the habit of meditation.

The first is, to set an intention which differs from a goal. An intention is an aim or plan. It primes our mental preparedness to look for ways to implement the aim or plan. On the other hand a goal is working toward a very specific outcome. An intention lays the groundwork for what we would like to have happen, what we consider important to us, and worth exploring ways to fit it into our lives. A goal establishes a “did, did not” situation that we turn into judgment and criticism.

For instance, saying, “I want to meditate most days of the week.” leaves us wriggle room and allows flexibility and adjustment for those times it seems impossible to accomplish. On the other hand, saying, “I’m going to meditate everyday for 10 minutes.” locks us into a very real possibility of failure and holding it against ourselves. Neither kind nor compassionate.

My intention has remained the same for decades, “I meditate most days.”

Another guideline, is to build it into our schedule. Just like exercise, or other important activities, we have to pencil it in for everyday practice. Otherwise we rationalize not doing it by saying to ourselves, “I don’t have time right now, I’ll get to it later.” or “I’m just too busy today to take any time for it. I’ll get back to it tomorrow.” Then tomorrow never comes. Having it be an appointment with ourselves, leads to a greater likelihood that you will do it.

The third guideline is to pick a time that works best for you. Yes, we have many things to cram into a day. Making meditation a priority means we may have to evaluate our activities based on what is or is not good for us. Maybe it would better for us to reduce phone or screen time by 10 minutes and use it to meditate. By the way, it has been shown through research that just spending 10 minutes a day meditating can help us be calmer. Students I know, get up 10 minutes earlier and go straight to meditation.

It is beneficial to take some time when you are first starting to find out when your sweet spot is. I recommend that beginners try one time of day for a week or more to see how it fits. If it doesn’t work very well, then try another time of day, practice for a week or more and see if it fits better. This way you work your way to an optimal time for you.

I like to meditate in the morning, just like I want to exercise first thing in the day. This way, I know I am doing the things that keep me healthy and centered on well-being before anything else. It is a commitment I make to myself, and I use these activities to be kind to myself and bring my best self into my daily activities. I also know that by doing them first thing in the morning, it’s done! I don’t have to worry about trying to fit it in later in the day or feel bad about missing it.

Another guideline is to chose a place that you can return to comfortably every day. This is part of the process of building the habit and priming our minds and bodies to engage in meditation. Pick a place where you are not likely to be disturbed. It does not have to be a separate room or part of the house. It can be a meditation cushion in the corner of your bedroom, or a chair in your living room, or sitting on the throne in the bathroom. Some people use their cars either leaving for work, or returning. Others do it at work in a quiet space. Some take their meditations outside when the weather permits. The goal is to find a place that you can visit regularly without demanding interruptions, like kids or work.

Once you have picked a place to meditate, then make it your own. Again, it doesn’t have to be grand, simple works, too. How we identify “my meditation space” can be as simple as a meditation cushion or favorite chair, a book or plant, a candle, a wrap such as an afghan or shoulder wrap. Or we can build a space separated from the rest of the home flow and activity and furnish and decorate to our tastes.

Next, set a timer. Nothing is more disturbing to our practice than to be peeking at our watch to see how much longer we have to sit before it is over. The new fitness watches often have a useful timer, or you can find apps on your phone that function as timers. Insight Timer is an app used by millions worldwide and has a built-in timer as well as many guided meditations and programs. Find what works for you.

Finally, you might consider journaling about your practice and progress. It doesn’t have to be something long. Writing a few words noting what the practice was like, for instance, distracted, calm, concentrated, agitated, joyful, painful, etc. I also encourage practitioners to make note of things they notice throughout the day that indicate changes. For instance, being calmer in certain situations, sleeping better, having less neck tension and pain, enjoying specific experiences more, etc.

By taking the time to think through our meditation practice and building good habits, we return to it daily. Set the intention. Make an appointment with yourself for meditation. Pick a time of day that works for you on most days. Pick a place that becomes your go-to place for meditation. Set a timer. Start practicing with a primary practice. Journal about your experience and any benefits you experience. Build the habit one day at a time.