Being Present

I always thought meditation was cool. It was something that seemed out of reach to me. I didn’t know anyone who did it, except those I saw on television. I never had a class or had a teacher talk about it. My parents were neither introspective nor spiritual so such things were never brought up in our family.

When I attended college and broadened my reading I became interested in many topics. I often picked up a book and skimmed it to see if it resonated. If so, I read some or all of it. If not, I put it away.

One of the books that profoundly impacted me was Think on These Things by J. Krishnamurti. It was one I picked up, read a couple of chapters, had an impactful experience, and then put away with a promise to come back to it someday. It remains a basic text in my personal library.

The experience I had was engaging in a practice I now know as Mindfulness of Sound. The practice was about listening to sounds close by, just simply receiving them. Then extend your hearing a bit further out, maybe the whole building or the next yard. Continue to extend listening, simply receiving sound, as far out as possible.

With continued attention to simply listening and expanding my listening, I soon realized that I was hearing a train that I knew to be at least 3 miles away. I was aware of being the most peaceful I could ever remember up to that tender age of 19 years. I was calm, which I rarely achieved in my young adult angst. There seemed to be joy bubbling up simply from being in the present and hearing so clearly what was happening in the world around me.

What an awesome experience that was. One I have never forgotten. One that laid the foundation for my seeking out mindfulness practice later in my life. I wish I had been exposed to teachers and teachings back then and had the wherewithal to follow through. Alas, I did not.

I came into contact with contemplative practices again during my study for my doctorate. There was a special topics class that required us to meditate, engage in certain movements, and journal about our experiences. There were many unusual experiences for me in the class, awakening, yet again, the idea of studying meditation. Alas, I did not follow through then either.

It wasn’t until I was well into my practice as a clinical psychologist that I came into contact once again with meditation. A client brought in a book, recommended by another therapist. Usually to share more deeply with my clients, I read what was of interest to them. I read the book and found it resonated with me. It brought to life the memory of the earlier experiences, the wish to pursue contemplation as a benefit in my life, and finally got me to start a practice.

I taught myself, based on what I was reading, to practice mindfulness meditation. I started for 10 minutes a day, every day. It did not take long before I began to experience some of the benefits others had spoken about – more vivid living, more choice about my behavior, and more awareness and insight with my clients. As time passed, I increased the amount of time I spent sitting in meditation, eventually working up to 40 minutes a morning.

Along with my own practice, I began to use some basic methods with clients. Many found the practice beneficial and continued the practice regularly. One client in particular benefited in a way I never could have anticipated (See Kristina’s story). I was sold.

I was sold on mindfulness meditation being a great medicine. So sold on it, that I began teaching it to the general public. I took a course for healthcare clinicians teaching mindfulness and began teaching from that curriculum. The benefits that individuals in the classes spoke about reinforced my belief that it is indeed a very useful tool for most of us.

Contingent with my developing a teaching course, I also continued my own studies. I began attending retreats, first weekend then week long, learning from new teachers. My practice and my understanding deepened. I learned to work with meditation challenges. I began to realize that a dormant spirituality was also growing in my daily practice. This led me to broaden my study and include the study of wisdom traditions, such as Buddhism.

I knew that I had found something that would take up the last third of my life, teaching mindfulness and related topics. However, I also knew that I had much to learn and wanted to benefit from accomplished teachers in the field. I applied for and got accepted into the second cohort of Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach’s accredited Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program taught through Sounds True and the Good Science Center at UC Berkley.

For the next two years, study and practice were intense. It was a welcome opportunity to deepen my practice, refine my teaching, and grow from sharing with peers. More clarity arose when the pandemic manifested in the middle of the training program. There were so many opportunities to offer medicine to those who were suffering – classes, consults, group meditations, special presentations, etc. Thank goodness for internet meeting platforms!

Over the past several years I have weaned from my psychology practice, semi-retiring, and letting my mindfulness practice and spiritual pursuits fill more space. I find myself engaged in two aspects of mindfulness teaching – teaching from a health perspective, more secular oriented, and exploring with others the role of spirituality, specifically Buddhism, in guiding our behaviors and engagement with the world. I find the two are intertwined for me while recognizing that it is not so for everyone.

The benefits I have experienced through my practice are vast. What my students and clients tell me is that they, too, experience many benefits and are glad they started a practice. My own experience and what I hear from others reinforces what I practice. It reinforces why I continue to teach, write, and consult.

As you explore these practices, may you also find benefits that reinforce an intention to sustain the practice over time.