Being Present

There are so many things in our lives that we start, leave and return to again and again. Meditation is like that as well.

Take dieting – one most of us can relate to – we start a diet with super good intentions and a plan. A few days or weeks in, we forget and abandon it, maybe for just one meal or snack, maybe for a whole week. Then we remember, and start over.

Exercise is one of those things. We set up an exercise plan. Act on that plan with good intentions and goals. Succeed for a while. Then fall off the plan. It might be just for one workout day. Sometimes it’s longer, maybe years. Then we recognize the value and benefit, or something nudges us like our health status, and we start over again.

If you stop and think about it you can list several things that you start, drop, then pick up and start again. 

Meditation is like this in two ways.

First, during our meditation starting over or beginning again is the practice. We start our practice with our selected object of meditation (breath, sounds, body scan). Soon we find that our mind has wandered and we are lost in thought. When we realize we are lost, we have become mindful of that moment, aware of where our attention is. Jack Kornfield calls this “the gold of our practice”.  When we notice, become mindful, and remember our intention, we return our attention to our object, gently without judgment. We begin again. This happens many, many times during a single practice. 

Beginning again . . . beginning again . . . beginning again . . . and again . . .

Second, many of us start with an intention to cultivate a permanent, stable daily practice. We go along days, weeks, months, and sometimes years being devoted to our practice. Then we find that we have fallen off. We might fall off for a few days, several weeks, or even years. Something nudges us to get back to practice and we start over. 

Life happens. Our practice dwindles and disappears. Then we start over.

As we cultivate living a mindful life, we will find that we often have to start over with simply being present in this moment. Our minds have become caught up in the past or future and we have lost touch with the present moment. Then we remember. We remember our intention to be present with what is going on right now, right this moment. And we return our attention to the present experience. We find ourselves doing this many, many times a day as well.

Remembering that losing our attention, becoming distracted, and forgetting our intention is normal and natural serves our practice well. So often when we realize how distracted we get, we are talked into abandoning our practice by that critical, judgmental voice in our head. Bringing kindness and compassion to something that happens to all of us and in many spheres of our lives eases us back into starting over. 

During a consult with a student, she revealed that her practice had dropped off and she didn’t understand why. We explored what her practice was like. She described being distracted during practice and feeling demoralized and like a failure. These feelings and her critical voice drove her out of her practice. She could return to and cultivate the practice she wanted with a suggestion of becoming aware of what was happening and not getting caught up, a reminder about starting over being the practice, and encouraging a return to building her mindfulness muscle.

There was a three-year period early in my practice when I dropped it completely. I was in love with the practice and did it daily. Then for reasons I still don’t understand, I stopped doing it. One day, about three years later, I sat down and started my meditation practice again. I started over.  

It helps to remember that this is a natural waxing and waning of life in so many areas. Intending. Starting. Forgetting. Remembering. Starting over. No need for judgment or criticism. It is part of the nature of being in this life.